I just finished reading this very, VERY inspiring book. It's a Christian book, actually. The first Christian book I've ever really read (aside from like... kids bible stories or something). Anyway, it got me thinking about a topic that everyone thinks about, regardless of religious or spiritual beliefs.
Looooove...
Fear of rejection and fear of abandonment are quite possibly the most popular of all the phobias. Everyone, at some point in time, experiences the pain that comes after opening your heart to someone only to have them slam it in the proverbial door. Coping with this pain is where it gets difficult.
Have you ever been so heartbroken that you decide that the pain of losing your loved one, either by choice or circumstance, is not worth the joy if giving your heart away? Have you ever felt like that person, after all, just didn’t deserve your love?
But who doesn’t deserve love? And who are we to judge?
In 2003, I was married. I thought that I was the luckiest woman in the world. It was my first serious relationship and the only love that I’d ever had. How many people do you know who can say they married and lived happily ever after with their first and only love? Well, there’s a reason they’re considered “first” loves… if there was no 2nd, 3rd, or last, there would be no first, right?
In 2006, I was filing for divorce. How did my fairytale beginning turn into a nightmare ending? Without getting into the juicy details, which could lead us into a whole different topic, I will say this: With my first love, I loved absolutely. I loved sacrificially. This is the ultimate love. Sure, there is “unconditional” love… but let’s face it; we are human beings. We have faults. We judge. We are not capable of loving someone 100% unconditionally. If we loved someone unconditionally, they could treat us like shit and we would take it with patience and our feelings would never waiver. I do believe that you can love your family unconditionally, but not everyone does… but we’re talking about romantic love here.
My divorce left me broken (and broke!). Scarred drastically and terribly jaded. Here I had given my world to this relationship and it was destroyed. I had given everything I could to my husband… he took it and threw it away. It was the most painful experience I had ever gone through and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Unfortunately, it happens to almost everyone. So what’s the sense in giving your heart away if people can throw it away so easily? What’s the sense in getting so emotionally involved in a relationship when you never know how things are going to end up? I had decided that I could not love again. Not sacrificially.
When I speak of “sacrificial love”, I don’t mean slaughtering wild animals to appease your lover and I don’t mean giving up your life or individuality for someone else. I mean when you are willing to love someone no matter what the circumstance… Sacrificially loving someone is loving them without any selfish reasons… In the simplest of terms, you would do anything to make them happy even if you gain no benefit from it yourself.
Selfishly loving someone is loving someone just to make yourself feel better. C’mon how many times have you stayed in a relationship with someone merely for what they can do for you, even if you didn’t realize it at the time? If you haven't done that, I know you know someone who has! How many times have you craved someone’s affection just because you liked the attention and not because you really wanted to be with that person?
What happens then is that the moment they stop providing that feeling for you, you decide you no longer want to be in that relationship. There may be reasons, like “he’s not there for me enough” or “he never takes me out to dinner” or “she doesn’t sleep with me as much as she used to” or “she spends too much time with her friends” but come on, those reasons are shallow! And if you’re breaking up with someone simply because you don’t love them, well… You don’t love them, do you? So there is no question of whether or not that love was sacrificial! And if you’re being broken up with because the person didn’t love you? Well… They're doing you a favor.
You may have been in love with them... you may have even loved them sacrificially. So why did they not accept your love? Why didn’t they bask in it and proclaim how wonderful it was to the world?! Why didn’t they return it with full force?! Who knows?! Dating is basically a matter of trial and error anyway. You see someone, you're attracted to them and they're attracted to you... you test the waters to see if you're a match then break up if you're not. That's how it works. Simple, right? No! It’s absolutely maddening how unsure love is! So why bother? After awhile I began to feel that, if not returned completely and perfectly by the other person; love was an absolute waste of energy.
What happened next was that with every dating relationship I got into, every crush I had, and every rejection I suffered; in the end I felt that it didn't work out because I wasn't worth their affection and that I "waste" my affections on people who don't value me. So to sum it up; I waste my time loving people who don't value me and that's how things are because I'm incapable of being loved in return, so that's how things will always be.
How fucked up is that?! lol!
Anyway, the point of this blog is not to gripe about my failed relationships or almost-relationships. The point of this blog is to highlight this question:
When the decision is either to love or not to love... Shouldn't the answer always be to love?
I know to some of you "Negative Nancy's" (yeah, I went there) this sounds ridiculous; but let's think about this openly for a moment.
I don't mean to ignore the obvious and force your affections on someone else. If you ARE in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you should certainly move on. Set the binoculars down and stop driving past their houses at night to see if their car is there. Stalking is illegal and rude... and creepy.
I mean that when you're in a position where you love someone and that love is unrequited or for some reason or another they are unavailable, you can't always force yourself to ignore your own feelings. This leads us to beat ourselves up at times... Sometimes we punish ourselves with thoughts like "What the fuck is wrong with me?" or believe that for some reason we are unlovable or just unlucky. So we find ourselves searching for negative things about the other person... That's when we try to force our perception to change about the object of our affections and we start to pick them apart simply because things didn't work out the way we wanted them to.
I came across this issue with my ex-boyfriend after he broke up with me. I felt that it was an ego booster for myself when I laughed with my friends about how I should have told him I thought his brother was hotter than he was... simply because I knew it would piss him off... Or we pick apart their looks or other aspects of them that may be lacking. Why couldn't I just shrug it off, accept that things didn't work out and that's okay, and not punish myself for falling in love with someone that wasn't right for me? It took months, but I finally came to that conclusion.
It may not have been "true love", but I was in love with my ex-boyfriend when he broke up with me. In the end, I'm thankful he cut me loose because I had absolutely no idea that he felt he was wrong for me; a fact that is blatantly obvious to me now.
So from now on, obviously there would be a sting if I fell in love with someone and those affections were not returned, but I will never beat myself up for falling in love. In fact, falling in love is something everyone should do as often as possible. Just like you should never feel like you wasted time studying for an exam simply because you didn't get an A... You should never feel like you wasted love on someone who did not return it.
Think of it as practice for when you find the one that does :)
Monday, July 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Anti-Flag 2/03/2010 @ The Trocadero... a brief review... if you can call it that.
Entering the Trocadero in Philly was like taking a stroll down memory lane. Like visiting my past from an outsiders perspective.
It had been over ten years since I went to that particular venue to see a punk show. And this wasn't your Green Day or well.. I dunno.. whoever the media puts in the "punk" category these days.. type of show.
No, this was your $15 dollar, all ages and everyone is welcome to have a good time punk show! THAT'S what I'm talking about. This isn't an arena where you get to sit in a comfy chair, you pay big bucks for a soda and spend half your life savings on a t-shirt with absolutely no chance of even getting it looked at rather than signed by a band member.
And it's not an exclusive club where you have to know someone that knows someone to get you in.. No... Anti-Flag* shows are open to anyone that wants to come. You get a greeting at the door by an animal rights activist that wants you to sign their petition. You walk in and the place smells like a mixture of B.O., booze, hairspray and cigarettes. There are kids with multicolored hair, tattoos, piercings and mohawks just hanging about and having a blast interacting with each other.
Disclaimer: YES... there will always be an asshole in the crowd that wants to start shit. Someone who thinks that they are... well.. "Captain Anarchy", if you want to use Anti-Flag's own song as a reference. "So punk that he's a poser and he'll be one 'til he dies." ....You just have to ignore those fuckers and pay attention to the positive group.
What I love about Anti-Flag is that, yes, they will tell you about their political opinions. They will encourage you to rise up with your beliefs and to stand proud against the powers of big corporations that are guiding this country... but they don't EXPECT you to follow them. They don't EXPECT you to agree with what they're saying. What they EXPECT from you is that you leave your shit at the door, come in and have a good fucking time!
And that's what we did!
Philly can be a tough crowd.
"The City of Brotherly Love" ? .... Yeah, I guess that's up for debate. (..Ask Aiden**..)
But Philly <3's Anti-Flag.. or at least, the Philadelphians at The Trocadero on 2/03/2010 certainly did.
The last time I saw Anti-Flag perform was at Van's Warped Tour over ten years ago.. and I have to say, they rocked my socks back then but WOW... They've progressed and really brought things to a new level in their stage presence and their interaction with the crowd. In fact, I was quite happy to watch the few bands before them where I was standing, behind the crowd and away from the pit. I thought I'd remain there for the entire show.. but as soon as they hit the stage it was like a fucking magnet!
I suddenly realized that uhmmm yeaaah I wanted to be closer to that speaker! And I dragged the rest of my party up there too. Who was in the back? Not fucking-me!
The best thing about this show was that it was also my little brother's first Anti-Flag show. We had this boy listening to Anti-Flag when he was a toddler! When my brother was four years old, my sister gave him a mohawk and taught him the lyrics to "Die for Your Government". Tell me that's not a kick ass kid? When we arrived, my sixteen year old bro confessed that while he wanted to get in a moshpit eventually.. he was unsure about this being his first...
..but when Justin Sane started shouting "YA GOTTA DIE, GOTTA DIE, GOTTA DIE FOR YOUR GOVERNMENT!" ...well.. I seized the moment. I grabbed my brother and his girlfriend and pulled their asses into the circle pit.
Not familiar with moshpits are you? Well... here's the thing. They look stupid. Usually there's one or two guys in there just slamming fists around or starting fights, yes. What's so appealing about it is that... you don't go into the pit to start fights (see disclaimer). You get in the pit so that you can let go completely. It's a rush. It's a release. It's pure energy. When you've got a kick ass band like Anti-Flag that can command the audience as well as they were doing Wednesday night and direct them with a positive energy? It's pure punk rock.
I took TONS of pictures***... but they came out shitty, mostly because I couldn't stand in one place without getting knocked into or without the picture being fuzzy from the vibration of the speakers. Oh well!
The night was amazing. My sister, a drummer, got the opportunity to hop on stage and play with the band as they had set some tom's aside for some audience participation. We also got to meet with Pat Thetic after the show... pictures of that as well. We left the venue tired... aching... sweaty... and with little left to our voices...
Good.Fucking.Times.
*Anti-Flag - http://www.anti-flag.com
**Aiden - http://www.myspace.com/aiden
*** Shitty pictures here: http://visforevangelina.tumblr.com/post/371836179/some-really-bad-photos-from-wednesdays-show-and
It had been over ten years since I went to that particular venue to see a punk show. And this wasn't your Green Day or well.. I dunno.. whoever the media puts in the "punk" category these days.. type of show.
No, this was your $15 dollar, all ages and everyone is welcome to have a good time punk show! THAT'S what I'm talking about. This isn't an arena where you get to sit in a comfy chair, you pay big bucks for a soda and spend half your life savings on a t-shirt with absolutely no chance of even getting it looked at rather than signed by a band member.
And it's not an exclusive club where you have to know someone that knows someone to get you in.. No... Anti-Flag* shows are open to anyone that wants to come. You get a greeting at the door by an animal rights activist that wants you to sign their petition. You walk in and the place smells like a mixture of B.O., booze, hairspray and cigarettes. There are kids with multicolored hair, tattoos, piercings and mohawks just hanging about and having a blast interacting with each other.
Disclaimer: YES... there will always be an asshole in the crowd that wants to start shit. Someone who thinks that they are... well.. "Captain Anarchy", if you want to use Anti-Flag's own song as a reference. "So punk that he's a poser and he'll be one 'til he dies." ....You just have to ignore those fuckers and pay attention to the positive group.
What I love about Anti-Flag is that, yes, they will tell you about their political opinions. They will encourage you to rise up with your beliefs and to stand proud against the powers of big corporations that are guiding this country... but they don't EXPECT you to follow them. They don't EXPECT you to agree with what they're saying. What they EXPECT from you is that you leave your shit at the door, come in and have a good fucking time!
And that's what we did!
Philly can be a tough crowd.
"The City of Brotherly Love" ? .... Yeah, I guess that's up for debate. (..Ask Aiden**..)
But Philly <3's Anti-Flag.. or at least, the Philadelphians at The Trocadero on 2/03/2010 certainly did.
The last time I saw Anti-Flag perform was at Van's Warped Tour over ten years ago.. and I have to say, they rocked my socks back then but WOW... They've progressed and really brought things to a new level in their stage presence and their interaction with the crowd. In fact, I was quite happy to watch the few bands before them where I was standing, behind the crowd and away from the pit. I thought I'd remain there for the entire show.. but as soon as they hit the stage it was like a fucking magnet!
I suddenly realized that uhmmm yeaaah I wanted to be closer to that speaker! And I dragged the rest of my party up there too. Who was in the back? Not fucking-me!
The best thing about this show was that it was also my little brother's first Anti-Flag show. We had this boy listening to Anti-Flag when he was a toddler! When my brother was four years old, my sister gave him a mohawk and taught him the lyrics to "Die for Your Government". Tell me that's not a kick ass kid? When we arrived, my sixteen year old bro confessed that while he wanted to get in a moshpit eventually.. he was unsure about this being his first...
..but when Justin Sane started shouting "YA GOTTA DIE, GOTTA DIE, GOTTA DIE FOR YOUR GOVERNMENT!" ...well.. I seized the moment. I grabbed my brother and his girlfriend and pulled their asses into the circle pit.
Not familiar with moshpits are you? Well... here's the thing. They look stupid. Usually there's one or two guys in there just slamming fists around or starting fights, yes. What's so appealing about it is that... you don't go into the pit to start fights (see disclaimer). You get in the pit so that you can let go completely. It's a rush. It's a release. It's pure energy. When you've got a kick ass band like Anti-Flag that can command the audience as well as they were doing Wednesday night and direct them with a positive energy? It's pure punk rock.
I took TONS of pictures***... but they came out shitty, mostly because I couldn't stand in one place without getting knocked into or without the picture being fuzzy from the vibration of the speakers. Oh well!
The night was amazing. My sister, a drummer, got the opportunity to hop on stage and play with the band as they had set some tom's aside for some audience participation. We also got to meet with Pat Thetic after the show... pictures of that as well. We left the venue tired... aching... sweaty... and with little left to our voices...
Good.Fucking.Times.
*Anti-Flag - http://www.anti-flag.com
**Aiden - http://www.myspace.com/aiden
*** Shitty pictures here: http://visforevangelina.tumblr.com/post/371836179/some-really-bad-photos-from-wednesdays-show-and
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I just got news that my stepfather passed away.... ;)
New song!
I understand the lyrics don't look like much. Mostly they look like bad poetry... but it's basically a preview... these songs DO have music to them.. lol
You left the best part of you behind...
And the best part of that is
he doesn't fucking mind.
The world is
one less pervert shy
I don't have
to worry about my child
I know
forgiveness
begets
forgiveness
but I can't help that when I learned you died
a little part of me started dancing inside
You left the best part of you behind
You left the best part and the best part is
You left the best part and he doesn't fucking mind
No worries
A ton of bricks just lifted
I don't ever have to see your face again
Those eyes
will never rest on my child
Those eyes
I'll never have to stab out
You left the best part of you behind...
My brother, I protect and love him...
You'll never corrupt what you can't touch...
I don't regret your existence because of him.
But now that's all over
You have your chance now
I hope you start over
I hope you've changed now...
but...
You left the best part of you behind
You left the best part and I don't fucking mind.
New song!
I understand the lyrics don't look like much. Mostly they look like bad poetry... but it's basically a preview... these songs DO have music to them.. lol
You left the best part of you behind...
And the best part of that is
he doesn't fucking mind.
The world is
one less pervert shy
I don't have
to worry about my child
I know
forgiveness
begets
forgiveness
but I can't help that when I learned you died
a little part of me started dancing inside
You left the best part of you behind
You left the best part and the best part is
You left the best part and he doesn't fucking mind
No worries
A ton of bricks just lifted
I don't ever have to see your face again
Those eyes
will never rest on my child
Those eyes
I'll never have to stab out
You left the best part of you behind...
My brother, I protect and love him...
You'll never corrupt what you can't touch...
I don't regret your existence because of him.
But now that's all over
You have your chance now
I hope you start over
I hope you've changed now...
but...
You left the best part of you behind
You left the best part and I don't fucking mind.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My Thoughts on The Punk Scene
When I was a kid I never considered that I was "punk rock" in any way. I always felt like if I implied that I identified myself as a "punk" I would in fact be a "poser." It isn't until now... now when I'm all grown up... (well, more grown up than before) that I really see what the term "punk rock" means to me.
Fuck conforming to stereotypical definition of the term because that in itself defeats the purpose. Your opinion my vary from mine but the beauty of it is that I really don't care. It's not that I wouldn't consider it! It's not that I would be closed-minded. It's just that I don't care. Opinions are opinions and that is a fact.
So anyways, read on if you will if you're interested in hearing my opinion of the so called punk "movement."
First let me say that I think if anything is to be considered a "movement" it has to be moving in a general direction. Or at least it has to be aimed to move in a general direction.
Looking back at the friends, foes and acquaintances that I've known over the years.... zeroing in and focusing on the select few that I consider to fit my own personal definition of punk... It's easy to see the downside of things.
The punk (and often times "punk") kids that I grew up with that had nowhere to go. No direction. Thirsty for knowledge, security and something bigger than what they had. They were angry because there voices were unheard. They were angry because they couldn't find answers. They found comfort from the confusion of adolescence in grouping together, riding in cars and blaring punk music. Belting unintelligible (unless you actually read them) lyrics at the top of their lungs and throwing themselves out into the world with that "I don't give a fuck" attitude not just for attention (though we were kids, so of course we wanted attention ---don't deny it!) and not just for the thrill of it, but because we NEEDED that release.
Just like any other hormone-crazed teenagers - we yearned for that liberation. We needed something to stand for. We didn't all dress in leather, spikes and piercings. We didn't all have hardcore attitudes and get in the pit at every show. We were colorful. We were dark, we were light, we were crazy, we were mellow! We were "two-tone"! We were rudies and hooligans! In a time when we're all trying to sort out whether we to act like grownups or to act like kids and we just couldn't get it together... Punk music gave us stability in all of the insanity.
And then we grow up.
Here's where it gets difficult.
When we're kids it's all about self expression, proving your individuality and feeling empowered... or just having someplace to go when you couldn't be home and you felt noone else accepted you... but what happens when you grow up?
I think because I never fully embraced the "punk" image, always teetering on the edge with my love and admiration for it but my fear of committing to the "label", it was a bit easier for me to let things go... Keep the good and shed the unnecessary.
I kept the music. I kept the ideals. I kept the unity I felt with my friends and family. I kept the positive energy and the excitement. I discarded the leather ;) I discarded the drugs (which thankfully I never used). I discarded the anger.
Unfortunately with the things that I'd left behind, I also lost some friends...
Some people couldn't get past the drugs and alcohol. Couldn't get past the image. Couldn't get past the parties. They never found that balance in themselves to keep the positive and step away from the negative. You know those people... the ones that you'd love to reconnect with but you're afraid to see what they've done with themselves. Or maybe you heard some terrible rumors about how they've gone off the edge. Maybe they're in jail? Maybe they've committed suicide... Maybe they shut you out because they know you'll want them to do better for themselves.
I've lost friends and family to drugs, alcohol, suicide and even murder.
It's not just the punk kids.
There are people like that in every genre. People we love but we can't reach. They get stuck in their adolescent angst and their inability to grow and learn from the horrible things that may have happened to them or simply what they've done to themselves.
We love them. We want them to grow, but sometimes there's just nothing we can do. Sometimes they have to learn for themselves.... or never learn at all.
Growing up, my punk ass friends were my family. They still are. We still get together on occasion and rock out to the same songs that we used to listen to when we were kids, talking about ideals and the crazy ass world we live in. We may dress different, we may still dress the same, but we love each other because we grew together through those times and we're happy that we still have each other. Nobody knows me like they do.
So... yeah. I may dress business casual Monday - Friday, get my trendy latte and tone down on the cursing, but I feel pretty damn comfortable saying that at heart I'm still that goofy little punk kid.
Long story short...
Punk to me has always been about unity. I like it that way.
Fuck conforming to stereotypical definition of the term because that in itself defeats the purpose. Your opinion my vary from mine but the beauty of it is that I really don't care. It's not that I wouldn't consider it! It's not that I would be closed-minded. It's just that I don't care. Opinions are opinions and that is a fact.
So anyways, read on if you will if you're interested in hearing my opinion of the so called punk "movement."
First let me say that I think if anything is to be considered a "movement" it has to be moving in a general direction. Or at least it has to be aimed to move in a general direction.
Looking back at the friends, foes and acquaintances that I've known over the years.... zeroing in and focusing on the select few that I consider to fit my own personal definition of punk... It's easy to see the downside of things.
The punk (and often times "punk") kids that I grew up with that had nowhere to go. No direction. Thirsty for knowledge, security and something bigger than what they had. They were angry because there voices were unheard. They were angry because they couldn't find answers. They found comfort from the confusion of adolescence in grouping together, riding in cars and blaring punk music. Belting unintelligible (unless you actually read them) lyrics at the top of their lungs and throwing themselves out into the world with that "I don't give a fuck" attitude not just for attention (though we were kids, so of course we wanted attention ---don't deny it!) and not just for the thrill of it, but because we NEEDED that release.
Just like any other hormone-crazed teenagers - we yearned for that liberation. We needed something to stand for. We didn't all dress in leather, spikes and piercings. We didn't all have hardcore attitudes and get in the pit at every show. We were colorful. We were dark, we were light, we were crazy, we were mellow! We were "two-tone"! We were rudies and hooligans! In a time when we're all trying to sort out whether we to act like grownups or to act like kids and we just couldn't get it together... Punk music gave us stability in all of the insanity.
And then we grow up.
Here's where it gets difficult.
When we're kids it's all about self expression, proving your individuality and feeling empowered... or just having someplace to go when you couldn't be home and you felt noone else accepted you... but what happens when you grow up?
I think because I never fully embraced the "punk" image, always teetering on the edge with my love and admiration for it but my fear of committing to the "label", it was a bit easier for me to let things go... Keep the good and shed the unnecessary.
I kept the music. I kept the ideals. I kept the unity I felt with my friends and family. I kept the positive energy and the excitement. I discarded the leather ;) I discarded the drugs (which thankfully I never used). I discarded the anger.
Unfortunately with the things that I'd left behind, I also lost some friends...
Some people couldn't get past the drugs and alcohol. Couldn't get past the image. Couldn't get past the parties. They never found that balance in themselves to keep the positive and step away from the negative. You know those people... the ones that you'd love to reconnect with but you're afraid to see what they've done with themselves. Or maybe you heard some terrible rumors about how they've gone off the edge. Maybe they're in jail? Maybe they've committed suicide... Maybe they shut you out because they know you'll want them to do better for themselves.
I've lost friends and family to drugs, alcohol, suicide and even murder.
It's not just the punk kids.
There are people like that in every genre. People we love but we can't reach. They get stuck in their adolescent angst and their inability to grow and learn from the horrible things that may have happened to them or simply what they've done to themselves.
We love them. We want them to grow, but sometimes there's just nothing we can do. Sometimes they have to learn for themselves.... or never learn at all.
Growing up, my punk ass friends were my family. They still are. We still get together on occasion and rock out to the same songs that we used to listen to when we were kids, talking about ideals and the crazy ass world we live in. We may dress different, we may still dress the same, but we love each other because we grew together through those times and we're happy that we still have each other. Nobody knows me like they do.
So... yeah. I may dress business casual Monday - Friday, get my trendy latte and tone down on the cursing, but I feel pretty damn comfortable saying that at heart I'm still that goofy little punk kid.
Long story short...
Punk to me has always been about unity. I like it that way.
Monday, December 28, 2009
I used to know this guy...
I used to know this guy,
he came into my life
at one of the toughest times...
I used to know this guy,
he made me feel alright
In some of my darkest times...
And we were such good friends,
I never thought it would end,
The time flew by and here it is...
I used to know this guy,
he'd make me laugh when I was crying...
we'd talk for hours on end about
absolutely nothing
I used to know this guy,
and there were times when I thought that we could be more than friends,
but in the end it wasn't meant to be, and I now realize that's okay with me...
But...
I used to know this guy means,
I don't know him anymore.
My number hasn't changed but
the phone doesn't ring anymore.
It makes me sad to think that our friendship wasn't strong...
but I used to have this best friend... and now that friendship's gone.
he came into my life
at one of the toughest times...
I used to know this guy,
he made me feel alright
In some of my darkest times...
And we were such good friends,
I never thought it would end,
The time flew by and here it is...
I used to know this guy,
he'd make me laugh when I was crying...
we'd talk for hours on end about
absolutely nothing
I used to know this guy,
and there were times when I thought that we could be more than friends,
but in the end it wasn't meant to be, and I now realize that's okay with me...
But...
I used to know this guy means,
I don't know him anymore.
My number hasn't changed but
the phone doesn't ring anymore.
It makes me sad to think that our friendship wasn't strong...
but I used to have this best friend... and now that friendship's gone.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
New Song
Working on a title... and the music...
You
You got it in for me
You
You wanna make me bleed
It's not such a mystery
I'm the sickness in you
Bleed it out cure the disease
I'm the hatred in you
I
I creep up like the fog
You
don't know what to think
I
seduce you like before
You
have no defense against me
It's not such a mystery
I'm the sickness in you
Bleed it out cure the disease
I'm the hatred in you
I am free
I am free
I am no longer
I am free
I am no longer
Your misery....
You
You got it in for me
You
You wanna make me bleed
It's not such a mystery
I'm the sickness in you
Bleed it out cure the disease
I'm the hatred in you
I
I creep up like the fog
You
don't know what to think
I
seduce you like before
You
have no defense against me
It's not such a mystery
I'm the sickness in you
Bleed it out cure the disease
I'm the hatred in you
I am free
I am free
I am no longer
I am free
I am no longer
Your misery....
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Review by Nikki Eick
"Indie Night" review written by Nikki Eick
I saw Evangelina perform for the first time at a local bar featuring an open-mic style "Indie Night". I knew very little about Evangelina before that night, but she absolutely blew me away! Evangelina doubled her crowd in less than an hour on stage.
I couldn't say exactly why she drew such a crowd - there are too many possibilities.
It could have been her voice, which was absolutely beautiful; you could listen to her sing for hours. It could have been her interaction with the crowd - she had us laughing, singing along, and having a helluva time. Or it could have been the lyrics: tune in for just a line or two and its clear that these lyrics weren't put together because they seem profound, or they sound pretty. Evangelina may as well have been singing straight from a diary - yours, mine, hers, it didn't matter - they are words to which we can all relate.
My guess is if you polled the audience members that night on what reason they came to watch Evangelina, they wouldn't be able to pinpoint just one.
Many people show up to perform at "Indie Night". They all stand up on stage and give you intimate details like "this song is about my mother"; they sing lyrics that are deep, private, and unapologetic; they may have a great voice, or a way with the guitar. These musicians may be entertaining and you may have a good time, but its rare to feel moved, deeply moved.
As for Evangelina... you can get lost in her music.
Everything about it resonates with the listener: lyrics, voice, guitar, rhythm - Evangelina rolls it together sweetly into the kind of song you find yourself putting on repeat...
I saw Evangelina perform for the first time at a local bar featuring an open-mic style "Indie Night". I knew very little about Evangelina before that night, but she absolutely blew me away! Evangelina doubled her crowd in less than an hour on stage.
I couldn't say exactly why she drew such a crowd - there are too many possibilities.
It could have been her voice, which was absolutely beautiful; you could listen to her sing for hours. It could have been her interaction with the crowd - she had us laughing, singing along, and having a helluva time. Or it could have been the lyrics: tune in for just a line or two and its clear that these lyrics weren't put together because they seem profound, or they sound pretty. Evangelina may as well have been singing straight from a diary - yours, mine, hers, it didn't matter - they are words to which we can all relate.
My guess is if you polled the audience members that night on what reason they came to watch Evangelina, they wouldn't be able to pinpoint just one.
Many people show up to perform at "Indie Night". They all stand up on stage and give you intimate details like "this song is about my mother"; they sing lyrics that are deep, private, and unapologetic; they may have a great voice, or a way with the guitar. These musicians may be entertaining and you may have a good time, but its rare to feel moved, deeply moved.
As for Evangelina... you can get lost in her music.
Everything about it resonates with the listener: lyrics, voice, guitar, rhythm - Evangelina rolls it together sweetly into the kind of song you find yourself putting on repeat...
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